Furlough Diary Final Day – I’m Coming Out

I’m coming out, it’s time to be brutally honest.

As I said in my previous musing, I’ve taken this Furlough as an opportunity for a much needed Sabbatical. What I didn’t tell you was that there is so much more to this story than I’m able to share, but I will try to share an overview with you here today.

I’ve always seen myself as one on a journey from a worm into a butterfly. I’m fascinated by metamorphosis and the fact that an ugly thing that creeps on the ground can transform into something so beautiful that can fly! Over the years I have drawn much courage and hope from this natural phenomenon.

My title for this should be going in not coming out but I thought coming out what get more interest! The truth is, I see myself as going in. Going into a cocoon. It’s incredibly exciting but equally scary. I’m not scared of what happens to my business, it’s in good hands and will be fine without me. I’m not scared of how I will pay my bills, I have reserves and a simple lifestyle that doesn’t require much money to maintain. The only fear I had, which is completely ridiculous now that I write it, is you. Yes, you. You reading this.

I’ve spent many many years writing, speaking, teaching, preaching and serving you to the best of my ability. If I disappear for a while then all that work is lost. It seems for nothing. Well, that’s what my fears would tell me but the truth is my job was never to gather a following or to keep my social media followers engaged. No. My job was and will remain to simply sow seeds. It’s no my job to grow them, that’s your job. It’s not my job to water them, that’s your job. My job is to sow the seeds that I’ve been given to sow and to trust that they will grow into a thing of beauty in their time.

So with that metaphor in mind I must face my fears, let go of you and go into my cocoon. Without letting go and going in I will never get to come out. Coming out is the goal. To come out transformed. To come out stronger and with wings to fly. To come out different.

I don’t know how long this process will take, I don’t know if anyone will still even be seeing my Facebook page, I don’t know, well, anything much of what to expect. What I do know is that the only way to be transformed into a butterfly is to totally and utterly self-isolate then to rest. Did you ever see a cocoon super busy making itself into a butterfly? Of course not. This is not a time for self-help or for busyness. It is a time to completely let go, to rest. Then somehow, in a miraculous way, while I step away from the hustle and bustle of life, where I keep myself to myself and when I allow myself to completely stop, somehow when everything is completely out of my control a transformation will occur. And then I will come out!

So if it appears that I have disappeared this is where I will be. I have not abandoned you, I have taken an intentional step back so that I can be a better version of myself for you. I can better serve you as a butterfly not as a worm!

You might think I’m nuts and lost the plot or you are nodding right now. You get this. Perhaps you even want this too. I encourage you, if you feel that this is your time to cocoon too then do whatever it takes to join me. There is a way, you just need to put a few things in order, delegate a few things, draw on some savings perhaps and then withdraw into your cocoon.

In due season I will see you again, along with other beautiful butterflies. Watch this space. See you soon (ish).

Love
Angela
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